Why do I find myself feeling so easily dejected?


Heck, so what if she doesn't feel like meeting up after all...what's the big deal?


Heh..who am I trying to kid..of course to me it's a big deal. But she's just another friend, right? arrgh..darn. Why am I always putting unnecessary pressure on myself -why can't we be 'just friends'..sheesh.

I've tried using the not-so-healthy tactic of "she's too good for me" to deal with the initial rejection. But then again, that doesn't do much good to the self-esteem, yea. Hah..why should I allow my self-worth to be defined by one individual's judgement of myself. Should I be letting her do that? Am I letting her do that? Well, perhaps...


Anyway, I seem to have found another good friend in C.T. (let's just leave her name at that.). She seems much less judgemental of me, perhaps I might even suggest that she even tolerates my companionship - that's the low self-esteem speaking, again. "p yea, C.T.'s a pretty nice girl too..and she's really blessed with a wonderful voice. I'm really looking forward to watching her perform at her next concert. Hmmm, perhaps I should take mei mei's advice and just 'take things slow', get to know her as a friend first, and then, etc etc. Well, but ever since I was 16 I think I've learnt to 'slow down' considerably in that area already, though it probably wouldn't hurt to keep improving on the social and physical aspects too, huh.


Haha...an aim for the hols, Chang? Well, I'm not too sure if you could call it an aim, but now I guess you've a clearer picture of what I was referring to.

raneth hopped off at 11:59 pm