Can't figure why i'm still this way... why I continue to long for that which can never be...

When close friends see me down and out, they needn't ask why - "you mean you're still not over it?" they say, with tones often revealing a mixture of annoyance and disbelief.

I can hardly believe it myself sometimes. why do I persist in enduring the agony, the heartache, when I know the painkiller lies within myself? - "it's all up to you" i'm told...

But is that really the case? i've told myself countless time, convinced myself, that i was finally "okay with it" and accepted that it was never meant to be. yet within a week, i'd be back to where i was before - longing, yearning, dreaming even, that everything was the way i'd hope it would be...

I suppose that's my problem - i've been too blinded, not by love, but by my own selfishness to own... to possess what could, but never really should, ever be bounded. for a free spirit is an entitlement to each and every individual; a freedom giving us the right to make our own choices - without being pressured, forced even, into submission. for now, i know that i've made my own choice...and that's what i'll carry with me, throughout these next 21 days.

raneth hopped off at 10:36 am