i spent the evening in church yesterday. interestingly enough, somehow i felt that with each service i attended, God was conveying a message to me, and although each was different from the others, i felt the significance of what He was trying to tell me each time...

first, during mass. the gospel told of how the people wanted to stone Jesus - not for the miracles He performed, or any of His numerous good works, but because He had claimed to be the Son of God; and hence, claiming to be God himself. Of course we all know that Christ was only speaking the truth, but unfortunately the pharisees n the scribes etc didn't know that - they didn't want to believe it. Fr. Peter Koh said during his sermon: the thing about the truth, and why many people refuse to accept it; is that the truth hurts. only too often in my life has this phrase applied to me: the truth very often is something I refuse to accept. "there must have been a mistake!" i think to myself...i simply refuse to accept what is FACT, what is the cold, hard truth - especially when the "truth" seems hard to accept.

then during stations of the cross, (the first and probably only one i'll attend this Lent) i was struck by the reflection of the seventh station, where Jesus falls a third time. the gist of the reflection was that we are often quick to condemn others when they fail us, especially when they seem to repeat their "crimes" over and over again - but when we ourselves are caught in a similar situation, of having repeatedly failed others, we always seem to have excuses; our own reasons; alibis to prove our own innocence. it is often very hard to admit our our own failures, our own short-comings; to say those three words "i am wrong" followed by the next 3 words "i am sorry". it's where the first of the seven deadly sins - Pride - rears its ugly head.

finally, during charismatic - which i had initially wanted to give a miss 'cos i was getting kina tired by then (in fact i was supposed to be going home with jeanette, but after i turned around to chat with matt, stefan n stel, she was already half-way home, so i thought i'd attend charismatic after all.

it was during the part of the session where people who felt a prompting shared messages from God - there was one message (which i had heard a couple of times before, but none the less) which had an impact on me: that if God can bring you to it, He will bring you through it. i guess that kinda applied to everything i'm facing right now: my dreaded posting back to tekong - where i'll be spending the next 6 months of my NS life, my often biased nature of being quick to criticise others; to spot the splinter in my brother's eye while failing to see the log in my own, and my difficulty in coping with rejection - the cold, hard and painful truth that i'd much rather ignore than face...

God has "brought me to it", and i know that he'll bring me through these challenges im facing - so i'll just take things in stride, with the knowledge that with His strength, He will help me to change my ways; He will give me the grace i need, the strength to face, and accept the truth; and finally, to make the best of everything He gives to me, for i know that He has sent me back to the island with a reason - He has his reasons for not giving me what i wanted...perhaps sometime down the road, i'll eventually realise what that purpose is...and until then, Lord, i know you will guide me each and every step of the journey.

raneth hopped off at 6:32 am